Laying down, Letting go… a difficult thing to do, yet so necessary if I am to take steps forward and upward.
As I try to make preparations for this Sabbatical journey, the journey to the heart of God, I felt God spoke to me quietly that I need to let go and lay down things, many of them good things, and entrust them into His hands if I want to find rest and refreshment in Him. H.O.P.E. Church has been whole of life to me past 12 years. I lived for H.O.P.E. Grace Retreat was at the heart of my calling, to reach the next generation and to see a generation rise that loves God well. Can I surrender these precious things into God’s hand?
Last 18 hours was a roller-coaster of emotions. It started with a call from Jin Ki’s dad saying that he might not make it through the night. My heart screamed in my being, “I thought he was getting better!” I was worried sick. Didn’t know how to process things. I am supposed to be the pastor. Theological debates in my head. Many emotions wrestling in my heart. Then, a call way too early in the morning. This strikes a fear in any pastor’s heart. I rushed to the hospital. Jin’s mother was waiting in the hallway. Some of his friends watched the night in that hospital room. We sang, “Nearer my God to Thee,” and “More love to Thee O Christ.” We said goodbye to Jin. The word God spoke over him was, “I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever” (Psalm 23:6). He was received into His loving hands surrounded by friends and family. Tears rolled effortlessly and our hearts bled with love and sorrow. Yet, joy and assurance abounded with that confident hope of Jin walking with His heavenly Father in that better place.
This journey into His heart is a journey of letting go so that I may be filled with fullness of Him and Him alone.
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